This quote has been stuck to my fridge for many, many years.  And although I liked it (my midwife, Elizabeth Bachner loved it the first time she saw it), I didn’t quite fully resonate with it until now.  See before, I was in a little bit of resistance to it.  Just the mere word “chaos” has such a negative connotation to it.  

Well the past several months, I have been in the thick of this so-called anarchy.  From miscommunications with my friendships to losing a job with a client to getting 2nd degree burns on my hand, wrist, butt, and upper thigh (where I couldn’t take care of myself or my son without assistance from my amazing mom and sister who took care of us for three weeks while I healed from the excruciating pain); to discovering news in what I felt was not particularly the best way to find out (at least in my eyes); to my son vomiting 11 hours straight when we were planning to leave that day because my organization, Family Love Village was facilitating our EAKK! (EcoArt Kidz Kollectiv!) program for a music and arts festival.  The list just went on and on. 

For most, they might shrink into playing small with the victim role or some might turn their pissosity of blame and rage towards others.  Thankfully, I did neither.  And instead of playing small, I chose to play BIG!  Although it didn’t come without its challenges of choosing to play big, I did it anyways.  I chose to surrender to what is and get really present to each lesson, each experience, each gift (as a dear friend calls it) that was presenting itself to me.  Yesterday though, I had finally had it and decided to have a little pep talk with the Universe that I posted on social media.  It went a little something like this: 

“Hey Universe! Just wanted to let you know that I’m good with all the gifts and lessons you’ve been giving me the past couple of months! I have seen each lesson as a gift – not something that has victimized me whatsoever. I know that these gifts continue to empower me to stay in my Mama Warrior Prowess – which continues to bring me closer to my life’s purpose and its mission and ripple effect I would like to impact others with. No doubt about that one!

Interesting enough, someone told me the other day that my super power is chaos! That chaos’ reputation is not truly what people think it to be. For within the chaos – this is where creativity is born; where something is always stirring and where everything flows (rather than always being structured and so orderly, in other words, put inside a box). Interesting to see this in a new magical light: me and my new super power, that is. 

I just gotta be frank though with that good ol’ saying, “when it rains, it pours” because I think I have had my fill! I think it’s a good idea to give Chaos some time to recuperate while I try on my other mama warrior powers! 

I love you Universe and am grateful for all these moments that bring me into presence but I’m good for now (as I clean up my son’s vomit on the bed while trying to simultaneously put out fires that my organization, Family Love Village is coordinating for a music and art festival that we were planning to leave in a few hours for)! Eakk!This is where I continue to be in deep gratitude to my village; my tribe; my community! The beautiful sisterhood that has helped me through these tough couple of months…” 

Suddenly that whole pep talk with Infinite Source, Universe, God, Goddess – whatever you’d like to call her/him/it – it was all starting to fall into place.  As my hummingbird energy slowed down and focused solely on the most important person to me (my son and taking care of him through what was possibly food poisoning), a light began to shine within and everything was starting to make so much sense.   

From the quote on this magnet to the woman who did a clearing session with me the other day and the seed she planted about chaos being my super power (and that it was a good thing) – I began to realize that creativity does truly birth within the magic of what most would want to run away from; to hide; to push away at the edges of their own Ego.  But not I, not any longer. 

See I’ve known for awhile now that when we get triggered by someone, it is never really about the other person.  It is somewhere within ourselves that is missing a piece; a void where we possibly felt invalidated, rejected, unappreciated, and/or disapproved of as a child growing up that is trickling into our lives presently when it prompts us to react to someone else’s actions and/or words. Notice how I said react vs. respond when we get instigated?  Ahh such is the practice to let go of the triggers and to respond from love rather than react from our fears. 

One thing I have definitely been getting good at is getting present and listening to the different rhythms of what is now called my new super power. It has taken lots of skill and practice to harmonize with it. And just like this quote says, “It isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass. It’s about learning to dance in the rain.” 

It’s kinda like the beauty of jazz: it seems like it can be all over the place yet each instrument, each tempo, each melody has its purpose – just like our experiences (whether a positive one or a negative one).  So here’s something to ponder on: the next time your life seems a little bit chaotic and “out of control”, perhaps what is required is to feel the cadence of surrender and to embrace the gift being given to you rather than rejecting it. Because what may seem like the storm could actually be the pitter patter of your creative song coming to life!  Who knows? Only one way to find out is to dance with it rather than to try and control it. And so my question to you my friend is, shall we dance?  

#tangeelifecoach #connectioncoach #universallessons #thegifttogrow#dancingintherain #embracingthechaos #dancing star

Reach for the stars…but love yourself right where you are.” 

~ Unknown

In the last issue, “5 Ways to Create Space and Feel Clutter-Free”, I shared tips on creating more space for yourself emotionally.  This has been the on-going theme for myself for the past month or so.  Finding the balance and peace within myself so that the eye in the storm doesn’t get swept into the tornado’s whirlwind cadence has definitely been challenging to say the least.  But the more space I make and the more clutter I clear while being able to silence the chatter in my head, the more I am able to listen to the answers bubbling up within.

I remember awhile back when the noise was just too loud to fully listen to my intuition back then.  I can recall being swept away in the tornado ten years ago in a situation that seemed like a very similar situation that I am in now.  Where I had lost everything: my job, my home, my relationship.  Yet this time around, although somewhat familiar, there was something different.  I was different.  I had grown from that once lost girl who was desperate to find a way to get things back to “normal” or back to the way things were before to me now having a deep sense of knowing that I no longer wanted things to be the same as they were.  Back then I spiraled down a dark hole of self-destructive behavior while now I am reclaiming my power and facing my fears head on.

This time around, I am not getting the same sense of me losing everything.  As painful and challenging as it may feel a lot of the time, I actually for the first time feel like I am gaining something: ME.  I am finally at a place in my life that loving myself comes first.  This is the only way that I can model this to my son to love himself is if I embrace it myself, too.  And sometimes loving oneself requires letting go of situations that no longer serve the person you are evolving into.
Another thing that I have noticed is that this time around there are no agendas or expectations from anyone or from any particular situation.  I just continue to practice being really present.  Present to my feelings and allowing myself the space to truly feel the emotions as opposed to numbing them.  Present to taking moments like this to ponder through my writing so that I can place my attention on the Truth and see the bigger picture beyond the circumstances, beyond the pain and feel gratitude for everything that I am experiencing; knowing that everything is supporting my growth.  I still have those moments where I go into a place of lack and fear as I consistently look for a job while building my businesses at the same time to pay the bills and put food on the table.  Yet I keep placing my attention on the present moment and continue to do what I love, as well.  Like writing, for instance.  This is my first love and has always been a healthy way for me to release.  And although the changes feel scary at times, there is something definitely different this time around and it is feels liberating.

It has been told by doctors that when children go through growing pains, the pain is triggered when their bones grow and stretch over the bone’s thick covering.  To me, metaphorically, the pain that triggers us adults when going through drastic changes is a gift that allows our inner strength to stretch beyond Ego’s thick covering, as well.

At least for me, it’s an opportunity that allows for choice; to choose whether I am going to become a victim of my circumstances or to rise above them, to trust and to continue following what feels True for me.  To make decisions that intuitively feel light and come from a place of love rather than making choices out of need and fear that tend to feel heavy.  This too reflects on all aspects of my life: how I choose to parent with my son; whether I respond from a place of love or react from a place of fear.  It is all relative to one another and all begins with a choice.

Just like growing pains for a child is considered a rite of passage so too are the moments when we experience change on an emotional and spiritual level.  Unlike most rites of passage that are usually celebrated, some transitional periods require a more intimate healing process.

I recently wrote a book for my son about change to set the stage and help with the transitions that were about to occur in our lives.  This is a great tool for whenever you are introducing something that might feel foreign and scary for them at first (i.e. going to their first dentist or doctor visit, going to school for the first time, or when a parent goes on their first business trip away from the family, etc).  I learned this wonderful tip from Ruth Beaglehole from Echo Parenting and Education.

The book I wrote for my son is called “From Caterpillar to Butterfly: When Things Change” and it talked about the different stages of a caterpillar’s life.  Its message shared that just like caterpillars shift their form so too does life for us humans.  Towards the end I gave reminders of ways that he can release his frustrations in a healthy way in case any of the changes felt a bit overwhelming and scary.

As important as it is for us to support our little ones through their emotional growing pains, it is also crucial for us parents to find tools and resources to help us through our own, as well.  And it all begins with taking the first step towards loving ourselves.
The following are a couple of tools that can support more self-love:

1. Acknowledgement – becoming aware of our emotional pain seems like an apparent thing to do but often the emotional trauma lies beneath the surface; below the energy field that we are sometimes not aware of that has most likely stemmed from our childhood.  And then surprisingly, the emotional distress that we are feeling sometimes isn’t even our own!

Do you ever sometimes feel sad or angry for no apparent reason?  According to Gary Douglas and Dr. Dain Heer from Access Consciousness, 98% of our thoughts, feelings and emotions aren’t even our own!  If this is the case, that is a pretty insane percentage of just how much of other people’s emotions and programming that we carry on our shoulders that take up space.  Precious space that could be used to create what we really want to experience in our lives.

The good news is there is a simple and amazing tool from Access Consciousness that you can do and teach your children to do, as well when big feelings arise for either one of you.  It is called “Who Does This Belong To?”.  This link shares a short video and brief description on how to use the tool that can give you more freedom and joy when you are willing to ask this question.

After you acknowledge the pain, the next step is:

2. Forgiveness – too often we are hard on ourselves and judge our own behavior (of course something that was most likely passed down from our childhood).  Sometimes it seems easier to forgive others than to forgive ourselves but in order to model the real value of forgiveness to our children, we must learn to give our inner child empathetic connection, as well.
After forgiveness, it is about making the decision to move forward towards feeling complete joy in our lives.  

In order to say “Yes” to ourselves and begin to heal our own wounds, the next several steps are a summarized version from an excerpt from my book, “Taming Your Wild Child: 7 Proven Principles to a Deeper Connection that Fosters Confidence and Compassion While Transforming Behavior, Too!”.

These steps involve:

1. Actually choosing you – Taking the time to get your needs met
2. Breathing to get grounded – Allow the brain gibberish to dissipate by focusing on the breath.
3. Listening to your heart’s true desires of what you love doing – Once you have chosen to start loving yourself and have slowed down the brain chatter through breathing, now it’s time to listen from your heart to feel what drives your passion.
4. Honing in on a list of things you love doing and writing them down on a piece of paper– You may know what gets you ticking and ignites the passion, but writing it down will be a good reminder for you to start doing more of the items on that list.
5. Then actually doing what you wrote on that list – What is actually possible when we are actually doing what we truly love doing that enriches who we are being in the world? What if by beingwhat you love to do awakens you to your Truth and fills you up, instead of just filling a void?
6. Smiling –  Whether you’re looking at yourself in front of the mirror or walking past a stranger, smile! Research has shown that smiling doesn’t only affect one’s mood; it can affect one’s health, as well.
7. Being thankful – Being grateful is such an essential piece to the whole puzzle of manifesting what we love to do. When we give thanks, it is vibrating to the Universe that we are ready to manifest more of what we want to attract in our lives.

So if you are going through some emotional growing pains, and are finding it challenging to move past the stress, the first thing is to forgive and love yourself by taking steps (whether it is the suggested tips here or your own resources) to continue staying in the energy field of unconditional love and connection to and for yourself.  Even if it feels like a death of an old life, being re-born into a new one that will continue to be a milestone, is a journey worth embarking on!

Just like the beautiful quote in the beginning of this article states that self-love is acceptance of who you are yet still having the willingness to continue “reaching for the stars” – meaning to always discover ways that intuitively guide you in following what is True for you but still embracing the love for yourself wherever you are at on your journey.

Yes, I am one of those that prefers staying focused on the things that I am good at (which does not include filing and getting rid of stuff that do indeed need letting go of).  And unfortunately most of the time, I would rather use the money for other necessary things, such as paying for rent, bills and groceries than hiring someone to help me clear the muddles of “stuff”.  

But due to certain circumstances that have been happening in my life, I have been faced with confronting my “demons” with clearing space and not just with the bags of paperwork that have been collecting cobwebs but the places in my personal life that too have also been needing a facelift.  

And I have to admit there is something to be said when one actually takes the leap into de-cluttering their space themselves.  A feeling of accomplishment tends to usually follow after recycling, donating and throwing things away.  Recently, this has been my world.  De-cluttering and going through my clothes, my son’s clothes and letting go of “things” that I had been holding onto – perhaps reminiscent of memories that I so desperately wanted to hold onto that I now no longer have a desire to.

A very gratifying yet surreal feeling has been washing over me within the past few weeks.  Indeed it has been cleansing for me.  And with most cleanses, there usually tends to be symptoms that follow.  Have you ever done a cleanse where during the process, certain areas of your body start to feel more achy or parts of your skin start to break out due to your body detoxing?  Well this is what has been occurring for me but in a more spiritual and emotional sense.  

And just like doing a cleanse, there are areas in my life that I have been experiencing aches, pains and break outs – or shall I say more like breakthroughs.  Throughout these growing pains, I have become very present to the space that is clearing and not just with my physical things, either.  The clarity that has been arising through the once foggy brain is now transparent to what has been there all along yet was being avoided – like the heaps of papers hidden in brown paper bags.  Like I said, I’m passionate about organizing conscious events and gatherings that I believe in.  Paperwork, eh…not so much!

Yet something has started to come over me lately.  I’m actually doing a complete make-over of my home and I’ve gotta say, it feels really good inside and out!  Throughout this exterior overhaul within these walls, there is definitely a wonderful thing that is happening: the interior of my soul is finally settling into a place I can now call home.  

As I write a new chapter in my life, I have come to fully embrace the fact that in order to create more space, I have to clear the space first.  

So with that said, I wanted to share 5 ways that I have found has helped to create more space in my life that could possibly be helpful whenever you want to make room for more space in yours.   They are:

1. Paint a room – painting a room can be very therapeutic.  It was for me.  This allowed me to slow down from my busy hummingbird energy so that I could really be present to my feelings.  Instead of just always keeping myself busy (which was a tactic to avoidance in one form or another), painting my bedroom became a form of meditation for me.
2. Rearrange furniture – changing up the furniture in a room can really shift the perspective and ambience within the room.  This too has been shared with Feng Shui masters.  Although I didn’t follow any particular protocol, I basically went with what felt light and good to me.  I went with my intuition.
3. Donate – going through your things and donating clothes (especially those that no longer fit), shoes, books, and toys to the homeless is another way to cleanse the home and soul while feeling good about helping others.  
4. Create a rhythm – whether it is meditating in the morning, doing yoga or doing a mind map or vision board of what you want to create in your life – just do it.  And do it consistently.  When you create a rhythm, it allows for more creativity to flow in. 
5. Include your children – allow your children to participate in the space clearing (of course where it is safe to).  Get no VOC paint so they can paint the room with you.  Ask them what they would like to add in the vision board.  And if the furniture is too heavy for them to help rearrange, include them in talking about where things will be moved to so that they feel they are a vital part of the family decisions.  The more you invite them in the process, the more it models to them how they too can clear space for themselves, on the physical level and emotionally, as well. 

De-cluttering the physical “stuff” in my home has been such an important reflection for me with needing to let go of things personally in order for new space to be born.  This had been something I had been working on all year long but I had barely touched the surface until now.  I am finding such a comforting warmth coming to life within my home and more importantly within me.  And I have found, when you begin to peel the layers of the areas needing to be emptied, you will soon find that all areas of your life (physically, emotionally, spiritually, and financially) can now become more full of the good “stuff” that you are wanting to manifest.