Tangee Zenryka Veloso

“Alone for the Holidays? Top Tips for Bringing the Self-Care in Your Home” – By Tangee Zenryka Veloso

Admin — Fri, 24 Dec 2021 20:25:12 +0000

The holidays are a time to celebrate with family and loved ones. But what happens when you are newly separated or divorced and the kids are with the other co-Parent for the holidays? What can you do to still bring in the holiday spirit in your own home – even if the children aren’t present?

Sometimes being alone during the holidays can feel lonely. Perhaps feelings of sadness, confusion and even bitterness can arise. But staying bitter will only cause more pain for yourself!

Trust me. I get it! Sometimes it may be hard at first to let the feelings of sadness and/or anger go. And I’m not saying to not feel and go through these emotions. It is so important to not invalidate our feelings or to sweep them under the rug, so to speak. It is ok to feel whatever it is that needs to come through.

In my book, “Taming Your Wild Child: 7 Proven Principles for Raising Connected and Confident Children”, I discuss this very topic in one of the chapters.

As quoted:

“Now invalidation is when you are told that your emotions, thoughts, and/or ideas are unacceptable or irrational. They are rejected, ignored, or judged. Invalidating someone means that their behavior is inappropriate and should be hidden and/or not expressed.

It is critical to build and nurture open, honest communication with our kids by truly listening to them. By validating how our children feel, we are building trust and increasing their sense of self-worth.”

In the above quote, I was talking about how it is important to validate our children’s feelings. This same concept can be used for our inner child, as well. So if you are feeling sad or angry, then allow yourself time to process through these feelings. Yet do it in a healthy way! Do your best not to remain angry and resentful for longs periods of time. Because if you continue to simmer in this state of being – it only ends up harming you, no one else.

Have you ever heard of the saying: “Holding a grudge is letting someone live rent free in your head”? That is exactly what is happening when we hold a grudge. It isn’t hurting the other person whatsoever. It is actually causing havoc in our own lives when we stay stuck in this recycled pattern of angst – which can actually be detrimental to our health and wellbeing.

Not to mention what are we teaching our children when we are holding on to anger towards the other parent? What role model are we being when we are harboring these ill feelings? When we are talking badly about the other parent or even just showing distaste towards the other parent, our children can sense this negative energy. In essence, what we are unconsciously expressing to our children is that we don’t approve or love a piece of who they are when we talk poorly about the other parent.

When we put this all into perspective with how bitterness can affect our own health including our children’s wellbeing, perhaps what can be done is to discover healthy ways to release these feelings that no longer serve who you want to be.

So what could you do that can begin the healing process that instills self-care and self-love? The following are tips that can make way for improved health and peace of mind:

Practice Empathy through Forgiveness – forgiveness is key. When we let go of resentment, it can actually lessen the grip it can have on one’s thoughts of revenge and help free the space in your mind for things that truly matter. For instance, finding fun ways to connect with your child when you see them next or just as importantly, finding ways to create that deeper connection within yourself!

Spend Time with Loved Ones that Uplift You – if you can, spend time with family and friends that bring out the best in you. It’s important that you surround yourself with supportive people rather than being around people that bring you down or bring out the negativity towards the coParent. Perhaps even beginning a new tradition with others that might be alone for the holidays as well by opening up your home and having dinner together. Or finding a positive support group that you can go to.

Volunteer Your Time and Energy to Uplift Others – when we are of service to others and give back to the community, it can help us feel truly good about ourselves. There are many ways to pay it forward. Feeding the homeless, visiting a nursing home to sing carols and connect with the elderly, bringing a pot of nutritious soup to a sick friend, or planting trees with an organization are just a few examples.

Take a Road Trip – travel to a place that you’ve never been before and explore its culture. Or perhaps even getting out in nature and hiking can be very healing. When we take the time to put our devices down, unplug from social media, and re-connect to Mother Earth, it can help to drop the blood pressure, calm the body and mind and improve our outlook on life.

Read Self-Help Books and Actually Do the Work – There is something to be said when we get cozy and curl up to a good book – especially if it is a self-help book. But reading the book is only half of it. If we aren’t really doing the work on ourselves, then just reading the book can be pointless. So first, find a book that resonates with you. A couple of great books are: “The Real Rules of Life: Balancing Life’s Terms with Your Own” by Ken Druck and “Wakening Your Worth: Your Journey to Unlocking the Worthiness Warrior Within” by Debbie Shuman Espinoza. But remember – whatever book you decide to read during the holidays, be sure to really take the time to actually do the exercises in the book.

Learn to Be Alone vs. Being Lonely – This is a tricky one but really important when it comes to learning how to truly love ourselves. You know the old saying, “You can only love another if you fully love yourself”? There is so much truth in this. To take it even further with food for thought, no one else can fully love you more than you love yourself! Meaning that if you are not 100% into you, no one else will be either.

So when it comes to falling in love with yourself – learning to be alone and discovering how to enjoy your own company is vital! Especially if you are a coParent, it can be challenging because we are always doing, doing, doing for our children and others. But this is a great opportunity to enjoy the time you do have alone and to be selfish. Not in the sense of being egotistical but getting self-centered and grounded.

Being by ourselves is a fine art and it takes practice – just like any art form does. Realizing that no one else can complete us is imperative! We are the only ones that can truly complete who we are and who we want to become. No one else can define this for us.

Unfortunately, through circumstances in life (perhaps from childhood), we tend to forget this truth and look outside of ourselves for acceptance, approval, and love. Hence, why I am so passionate about conscious parenting and sharing tools that create a deeper connection with our children where it harnesses a partnership of “power with” (rather than a relationship of “power over”); where the child feels empowered and knows their worthiness and doesn’t need to look anywhere else but within for their acceptance and love for who they are.

So during the holidays, to practice the art of being alone, perhaps the first step is having the willingness to find ways to enjoy yourself. When there is a willingness, there is a way. And once we discover fun and healing activities to do that empower our self-growth with a new way of being, we can then experience more happiness in our lives.

We all have a choice…

Admin — Sun, 13 Oct 2019 07:36:19 +0000

We all have a choice in how we react OR how we respond in the world.

The difference between the two lies within the space you are choosing to come from.

We can choose to come from a place of Ego/fear or come from a space of Love.

There are truly only two places we can walk in the world. Love or Fear. All the other emotions are an extension of these two.

And when we do come from a place of fear, anger, frustration, bitterness – guess what?!

We also have the power to release that which is controlling us and choose to BE in a different space in every given moment. And in this moment. And in this moment.

Oh and THIS moment, too!

My question to you is:

Who do you choose to BE right now?

The choice is yours…in what way you can choose to:

Show Up, Connect to Your Truth and BE the Best Version of YOU!

Peace & Ignition,

Tangee Zenryka Veloso

The MamaWarriorPreneur

Spring Cleaning Your Mind and Decluttering the Limiting Beliefs

Admin — Wed, 22 May 2019 20:50:21 +0000

Part One: What Happens When You Say ‘No’ To That ‘YES’ Feeling? – By Tangee Veloso

Spring is one of my favorite seasons. It’s a time when the cold, brisk air turns a little warmer. A time when the sun stays out to play a little longer and where the aromas of vibrant flowers begin to bloom newness in the air. It’s also during one of my favorite holidays, Earth Day! Not to mention my birthday just so happens to be in April, too!

And always right before my birthday, I like to do some spring cleaning – and not just decluttering my physical space but detoxing/cleansing my body. It’s my wellness spring cleaning, so to speak. I cut out dairy, caffeine, sugar, and alcohol that usually lasts anywhere from ten to thirty days.

As a Connection Coach, one of my main passions is helping individuals and parents/co-parents with creating healthy relationships with their children, loved ones and just as importantly, within themselves, as well. But what sometimes gets missed in the equation is our relationship to nutrition and wellness. A part of taking care of ourselves is what we are putting into our bodies that can affect our behavior and our children’s behavior. This is one of the reasons why I like to do cleanses throughout the year.

And just as it is important to do cleanses physically, it is just as important to detox mentally, too! This is probably one of the most important key factors of doing a cleanse is how your thoughts are influencing you in your day-to-day interactions with your children and others around you – especially how you are talking to yourself!

It is also important to know that doing a spring cleaning of the mind is not just for when Spring comes around. This is encouraged as a daily practice – especially if you are wanting to declutter limiting beliefs that are holding you back from living your life purposefully (which I will talk more about in Part Two of this article series).

Have you ever wanted to experience a class, a program or an event so bad that it just felt so right in the moment that you said Yes to it. But then when you got home, you somehow talked yourself out of it?

Perhaps after some thought, all of sudden you didn’t have the money to spend on it or perhaps not enough time to join that uplifting program or empowering event that you knew could change your life around yet your negative thoughts kept you from following what felt true for you?

It happens all the time and it happens to the best of us! It’s called the Gremlin Mindset (as my business coach, Justine Arian states) or the Ego, the fears, the limiting beliefs, or as my previous family therapist, Dr. Cheryl Bratman used to say, the “brain diarrea” – whatever you want to call it – it is the one thing that keeps people playing small in life. It is the one thing that feeds the scarcity thinking; the one thing that can keep someone stuck in their comfort zone.

I call it the “What If” Syndrome. “What if I can’t afford it?” or “What if I don’t have time?” or “What if my partner won’t let me?” First of all, with that last one – you have to ask yourself in what ways can you and your partner support each other more towards your goals and dreams (but that is another topic for another day). Basically, the “What If” Syndrome is the negative self-talk; the fears that can keep someone feeling too comfortable and limited.

There’s a great quote by Neale Donald Walsh:

“Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.”

This is so true! Yet to some, taking a risk can be debilitating to the point that they don’t do anything at all. But you’ve got to ask yourself: is that a way to live your life? To live inside the box? To live in fear of the What If’s?

Has there ever been a time when you did say Yes and followed that Yes despite the What Ifs? If you have, how did it feel? Was it liberating? Did you feel on fire – as if you can do anything?

I remember a time in my life when that same feeling happened to me. It was 2003. It was my first time going to a music and arts festival out in the desert called Burning Man.

It was during a time in my life where I was lost and unsure of where my life was heading. I had just lost my job, my home and had separated from my then husband all around the same time. And even though all this was happening at once, I just knew I had to get to Burning Man somehow. So I applied for a scholarship and shared my story. Thankfully my application got accepted.

It was in this moment that I had manifested what I wanted without my own thoughts and What Ifs getting in the way. I didn’t know it back then but I was following my Yes.

I had said “Yes” without going into the fears of how I would be able to afford the gas traveling there or the food for a whole week. None of that phased me. I just knew intuitively that everything was going to be handled somehow.

And it did. A friend of a friend was willing to travel with me to cut down the gas costs and somehow I came up with the food and drinks for the whole week.

But that wasn’t the end of my experience of manifesting what I wanted that week. During my friends’ wedding ceremony out on the Playa, I saw the most mesmerizing thing I had ever seen! People performing with these chains and fire balls at the end of them (otherwise known as Poi). I was completely enthralled by its fiery magic. It was in that moment that I knew from the depths of my heart that this is what I was going to do!

It was a knowing. I could feel it directly in my gut. And these very words came out of my mouth: “THAT is what I’m going to do!” It was that “Yes” feeling.

I would come to know this Yes terminology many years later – after attending a year long program back in 2012 called OMG (Oneness Mentoring Group) by one of my mentors, Amir Zoghi.

Coming back to my story – a week later after being home from the Playa, I found out about a place called Burn Club (a weekly spin jam for fire performers originally founded and hosted by my dear friend and fire mentor – who just recently passed away, Tedward Lecouteur). I went by myself to check it out – not knowing anyone really. After that night, I told my son’s dad (whom during Burning Man we had reconciled) about how amazing it was and that he just had to join me the following week.

Approximately a few months after that, we formed our own fire troupe, (Inferno, Inc.) with Tedward, one of my best friends, Courtney St. Dennis, and several other talented performers.

Now all of this happened for me because I said YES to that feeling. Now if I would’ve gone into the headspace of the What If Syndrome – I guarantee it would’ve been a different experience. I most likely would’ve talked myself out of going to Burning Man, my son’s dad and I might not have reconciled for the next 10 years and had our beautiful son together (it was because of that very experience we had there together that shifted our lives completely) – guess you could say it had sparked the love and creativity between us in a new form. And I definitely wouldn’t have been inspired to become a fire performer. Or maybe it would’ve – we’ll never know for sure but I CAN say this: because I said Yes to myself and claimed it in the present moment (without going into the What If’s), the Universe answered my call and supported me in that Yes.

You see – when we say Yes to ourselves (again, without going into the gremlin mindset of lack – this is a VERY important element to remember), when we follow that feeling; that gut instinct; that Knowingness – you will be surprised just how much you are supported with that Yes.

But unfortunately our fears/Ego can sometimes get the best of us and can easily talk us out of it. Where else in your life could you be limiting yourself? Where else are you holding back because of your fears? And why does this happen?

I’d like to share another story here. I had been helping a Connection Coaching client of mine during one of our phone sessions with clearing limiting beliefs that she has had throughout her childhood, as well as throughout her marriage and divorce. Although her ex-husband was dating someone else and had been for awhile now – she still had lingering triggers around change and possibly this new woman being a step-mom to her children.

After many phone sessions throughout the year, she was puzzled as to why this was now coming up. Why this fear of change was happening because she knew for sometime that they were dating.

Going back to Donald Neale Walsh’s quote, what was happening for her is that her Ego wanted to stay comfortable; to keep her safe. Staying comfortable was serving her Ego by allowing her to play small in her life by still staying triggered by these old emotions. But now that she was evolving through these sessions together, she too had to evolve from her fears. Thus, change.

And as the saying goes, “There’d be no butterflies if there was no change”. In order for her to start truly living, she needed to step off the edge of her comfort zone and travel into the unknown; to follow that YES feeling inside that was intuitively navigating her towards what feels True for her.

But what happens when you say “No” to that YES feeling? When you get stuck in those limiting beliefs?

The answer is nothing! Absolutely nothing can happen when you are coming from a place of fear. Well, at least nothing that serves your highest good, that is. Whatever you are wanting to create in your life can either become exactly the opposite of what you are wanting to experience, or it can become stagnant and prolong what you are desiring when you aren’t following what feels True for you.

One of my favorite quotes from Amir Zoghi states:

“When you’re following what’s True for you, you’re allowing those around you to experience what’s True for them.”

When you are following that YES feeling (while excluding the “What If” Syndrome), you will soon discover that the Universe will support you in that YES – whatever that yes might be; whether it’s starting a new business venture or beginning a new relationship or joining a workshop that aligns with you. You will soon realize that the Universe has your back and new opportunities and new doors will open up for you when you are aligning yourself with that yes!

And when you are following what feels True for you, you actually give others permission within themselves to experiencing their Truth, just the same; each becoming an inspiration; a reflection for one another’s true state of happiness.

So the next time you start to feel yourself spiraling into that “No” – stop, take a breath, do some internal spring cleaning and turn that no into a YES! Take that beautiful step towards honoring self-love by saying YES to YOU!

DEDICATION:

About 3 weeks ago, I was trying to finish up this article. The beautiful synchronicity about this is I had already mentioned my dear friend and fire mentor, Tedward Lecouteur in this article before leaving for a music and arts festival called Lightning in a Bottle (LIB). I wasn’t able to finish the article because I was in the middle of organizing/prepping with my organization, Family Love Village with my business partners, Sonia Wike and Travis Lea and getting ready to leave for LIB where we run the whole kids, teens, and parent workshops.

After coming home from LIB and discovering the shocking news of Tedward’s passing along with having to find his sister to tell her the heart-breaking news, and help organize his memorial/celebration – I was determined to finish this article in dedication to this beautiful man; a legend that inspired hundreds, if not thousands of fire performers for almost two decades.

If you knew Tedward, he was the definition of stepping out of your comfort zone and boy did he empower others to get out of their comfort zones; to Go Big or Go Home (or as I like to now say it: Play Big or Go Home)!

Thank you Tedward for coming to visit me during the writing of this article (and throughout the last few weeks) and for being that YES in my life that always helped me (and many others) to push the envelope and play BIG in life! I love you my beautiful friend.

Fill ‘Er Up! 5 Ways to Fill Up Your Love Cup in the New Year! ~ by Tangee Veloso

Admin — Sun, 31 Dec 2017 20:34:09 +0000

“Self love is accepting yourself, as is. Reach for the stars…but love yourself right where you are.” ~ Unknown

Wow! This quote continues to move me in so many ways. The past year I have dove deep into loving and accepting who I am, exactly as I am. Not who I was yesterday or who I want to be tomorrow but who I am today – or more so in who I am in every moment. I do have to say though that loving one’s self can definitely be a challenge at times because that gremlin of self-doubt or unworthiness can unwelcomingly creep back into the headspace. When this happens, the first step to loving and accepting ourselves wherever we are at in life is to be gentle and forgiving. And then the next step is to begin discovering more ways to take action towards loving ourselves and getting our needs met.

For the new year coming up, instead of making resolutions (that we end up stopping half-way through anyways) – let’s create conscious intentions! To me, resolutions can create a sense of judgement and can often bring up feelings of failure or not being “good” enough. Whereas, when I set forth an intention, there is more ease and less tension or guilt around the results. By setting an intention, you are making clear what you plan to do. For me, setting an intention brings a feeling of excitement and joy with wanting to get ‘er done rather than a feeling of “having” to get ‘er done. And what better way to set an intention for the new year but by finding ways to fill up your love cup?!

In my book, “Taming Your Wild Child: 7 Proven Principles for Raising Connected and Confident Children,” in one of the chapters, it discusses ways to nurture self-love. The book overall presents a different concept that it is the wild child in us parents with the negative self-talk and recycled parenting patterns that we were raised in that we need to tame.

By using the 7 proven principles which allow parents/caregivers to become more compassionate towards their children and help create connection and a loving “partnership” with them (rather than a relationship of power over), they will also reflect the same confidence and compassion towards themselves and others, and organically transform their behavior (as well as our own) in the process.

Yet sometimes getting to that place where it organically transforms through compassion and connection can be challenging when you are running on fumes! This is where some of the following steps from my book below can help you in the right direction towards some TLC for YOU because it’s time for you to fill ‘er up!

Here are a few of the steps you can take to start getting your needs met:

STEP 1. CHOOSE. It’s time to make a decision on whether you will continue making excuses for why you are not doing what you love to do and not taking care of your needs or choose to have a new blank canvas to paint the many colors where you can begin to go with the feeling.

So, before you drive yourself crazy and find yourself spiraling down the rabbit hole, stop! And then choose to feel! When you go with your feeling and trust your intuition, without going into the headspace and the “logical, sensible” reasoning, you will be surprised what doors can open for you when you say “Yes!” to yourself!

STEP 2A. BREATHE. Close your eyes if you feel it will help. Take three deep breaths in and out. Allow the brain chatter to dissipate by focusing on the breath. Feel your breath expanding your diaphragm outward and inward.

Step 2B. BE AWARE. Take it a step further and bring your awareness from your head all the way down to your feet. I know, strange request here but if you really think about it, the farthest point from your head (where your thoughts could be eating away at you), focusing your attention on your feet can help to get you out of your thoughts and into feeling, which will also help you get more grounded.

STEP 3. LISTEN. Once you have chosen to start loving yourself and have slowed down the brain chatter through breathing and focusing your energy on your feet, now it’s time to listen; to listen to your heart; actually, let me rephrase, to listen from your heart.

Truly take a moment to sit down and think about what drives your passion. Actually don’t even think, feel! What does it feel like when you grab for that pen and start ferociously scribbling words on a bar napkin? How does it feel to pick up that guitar and allow your fingers to dance with the strings, to create a rhythm? Or it could even be as simple as sitting on grass and feeling the sun against your face. What would it feel like to actually go with your passions and in return have your needs met?

STEP 4. WRITE. After you’ve honed in on that feeling, get a piece of paper and write down those things that really make your heart pitter-patter and gets you smiling. Perhaps it’s only one item on that list or perhaps it’s ten. Perhaps it’s meditating, yoga, dancing, journaling, poetry, or drinking tea with a friend. Either way, write it down so you can visually see what it is that you are passionate about. Sure, we may know what gets us ticking and ignites the passion, but writing it down will be a good reminder for you to start doing more of the items on that list.

STEP 5. BE WHAT YOU LOVE TO DO & JUST DO IT! You know the famous Nike saying, “Just Do It”? It’s a catchy phrase for a reason. Now it’s time to look at that piece of paper and start doing what you love to do. I know earlier I had mentioned that people tend to do in order to get. And I had pondered on the question that what if the journey isn’t about just doing but about being in order to receive? So perhaps it’s not about just doing in order to fill up a void anymore. What is actually possible when we do what we truly love doing that enriches who we are being in the world? What if being what you love to do awakens you to your Truth and fills you up, instead of just filling a void?

Once you are able to come from this space vs. just doing it to do it, you will begin to notice that who you are BEING in the world makes you actually FEEL good about yourself. Thus, you begin to fall in love with the person looking in the mirror, YOU. And simultaneously, you will begin to notice that the world is falling in love with you, too, as opportunities start to present themselves that create abundance in your life. Abundance in happiness, health, financial freedom and your relationships with your loved ones.

So here are just some of the steps that can help to fuel you up with some self-love. And when you are connected to yourself, you are more able to be present with connecting with your child!

In my 365 Days of Conscious Parenting series that I share on Instagram and Facebook, self-love plays such an important role with consciously parenting:

“Conscious parenting is talking to yourself as if you are talking to someone that you love. The way we criticize, judge and talk to ourselves can affect how we criticize, judge and talk to our children. So in order for us to find ways to connect on a more conscious level with our children and our spouse or co-parent, we too need to also find ways to connect with our inner child just the same. When we begin to have moments of negative self-talk, it is within these moments to be gentle, to forgive and to fill up our love cups with what we love doing (i.e. exercise, meditation, journaling, getting out in nature, going for a ride, etc.) that can bring us back to our center.

Because our first love and last love is…self-love.”

“How to Stuff Your Day with Thanks (and Not Just the Turkey)!” – By Tangee Zenryka Veloso

Admin — Sat, 25 Nov 2017 18:04:07 +0000

As we all know, Thanksgiving is a special time to spend with family and friends. But if you are recently separated/divorced or are still needing more time to heal from a separation/divorce, the last thing that might be going through your mind is celebrating let alone feeling thankful.

Yet it is this very season that it would behoove you and your co-parent to set aside your differences in order to be present for the children. Because the most important part of the holidays is the memories of how it was spent. The question is would you want your children to only remember the two of you arguing and/or bad-mouthing one another to be the family legacy? I say legacy because in essence, this is what you will be leaving your children with. This is what you are essentially modeling to them what “love” looks like.

We are constantly instilling in our children to be kind to others, to respect others, to communicate in ways that we would want to be communicated towards yet if we cannot do the same with our co-parent, what is the message that we are relaying to our children? Would we not then be telling them that it is a one-sided family philosophy that the children have to abide by and because you are the parents, you don’t have to? It can be quite confusing for children to say the least. I know this firsthand because it was confusing to experience this myself as a child growing up in a two-family household.

Perhaps because I experienced the more typical way a child is raised in divorce, I wanted to create a more mindful relationship with my son’s dad.

If you are feeling the same way and would like to create a more respectful and easeful experience with your co-parent, especially during this Harvest Feast, then the following tools will be a great way to begin that journey:

Put Your Children First: This is the first step in realizing that what you say and how you say things in front of them can be detrimental to their well-being and to their self-esteem. So whatever you do, ensure that you put your children’s feelings first and let go of the egos by doing this next step:

Leave Your Stuff at the Door: And I’m not talking about the stuffing for the turkey, either! What this means is to do your best to keep things cordial and leave any issues you may have out of it. This is a great tool that my ex and I were taught by one of our family therapists who said when you have had a stressful day at work, before you enter your home, leave all the tension of the day at the door so as to avoid bringing this into your household and possibly taking it out on your family. This same concept can be used when planning and figuring out logistics for the holidays because we all know how daunting coordinating time between both co-parents can be.

Create New Traditions. If you haven’t shared the holidays together since being separated/divorced and you both are feeling open to the possibility then why not create a new tradition by celebrating together. Just because you both are no longer in an intimate relationship doesn’t mean that you aren’t still in a relationship with raising your child together. Since you both have made the conscious decision to co-parent, why not enjoy this special meal as a coFamily. And if you both aren’t ready yet, create a new tradition with your children. Perhaps if your kids are eating a big traditional meal with your co-parent, then include the kids in cooking something else fun to eat so the kids aren’t “turkeyed out”. Or perhaps make popcorn together and have a family movie night.

Write It Down. Normally we say what we are grateful for at the dinner table but take it one step further and create Gratitude Love Notes to each other and share. And be specific with a quality that you are grateful for. I talk about this particular step in my book, “Taming Your Wild Child: 7 Proven Principles for Raising Connected and Confident Children.“

Below are some examples:

Instead of just saying: “I’m grateful for you.”

You could write: “I’m grateful for how helpful you are when you _________. It really helps when I need to get dinner on the table and I have noticed that I’m more calm for the rest of the evening.”

Instead of: “Thank you for taking the kids.”

You could write: “I’m thankful that you are flexible with watching our kids even when it isn’t your weekend with them. This not only helps me out but I see how our kids’ eyes light up when they get to spend more time with you.”

When we write down the qualities and what their qualities bring to life in a Gratitude Love Note, it is such a positive way to connect at a deeper level AND create wonderful memories together.

So for this Thanksgiving, why not stuff your day full of memories that can be a family legacy that your children and co-family will appreciate for many holidays to come.

Celebrate Mother’s Day By Learning Her Love Language – by Tangee Veloso

Admin — Fri, 12 May 2017 20:30:57 +0000

We all know that Mother’s Day is a wonderful day to honor all the moms around the globe. Most moms get showered with gifts, cards and maybe even breakfast in bed made by the kiddos. All of these are amazing ways to express our love and gratitude to the special women in our lives that have raised us and for us who are raising children.

Honoring the co-parenting relationship and the mom on this day is just as important. What I have found is just as equally important with celebrating the moms in the co-parenting relationship is discovering what their love language is, too.

About a year ago, I read a beautiful book by Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell called, “The 5 Love Languages of Children” that inspired me to go even deeper with discovering what my son’s primary love language is. It intrigued me to also learn what mine is, as well. Interestingly enough, both of our primary love language is the same: Physical Touch.

The authors also have several books out for couples, for singles, for teens, etc. The concept behind the 5 Love Languages is to help all of us understand how one another prefers receiving affection from others. Why is it important to know one’s love language? In each relationship, we express admiration in various ways. Each of us carries within us our own language that fuels us. Sometimes within that relationship, the language can get lost in translation. We may not understand when someone is trying to express their love to us and vice versa. When we begin to understand each other’s love language, we can then share how each of us appreciates receiving love.

The following is a list of these 5 Love Languages:

Physical Touch: Someone whose primary language is physical touch really appreciates when they can receive tender moments of cuddling, holding hands, or for instance, what my son likes with piggy backs (while I’m holding a million things at once) or when he caresses my belly and says out loud, “I just love your blubbery belly mama!”. Sigh. But on a serious note, for co-parents whose love language is touch, it could even be as simple as a pat on the back or a friendly touch on the shoulder that shows them that you care.

Words of Affirmation: Recently, I had taken a quiz online (the Love Language Profile for Singles) just to see if my love language was still physical touch and sure enough it still is. I had also felt that one of my other top love languages is words of affirmation which showed up as my 2^nd highest score. Words of affirmation is where verbally complimenting someone and more importantly the reason behind why they are complimenting can truly fill up one’s love cup. To me, receiving little snippets of love notes around the house or a love letter that shares the depths of one’s love is what warms my heart and what can warm others who have this love language, too.

Acts of Service: Then there is this wonderful gift that expresses one’s affection through helping the other person. This could be in the form of washing dishes, cleaning the house, fixing the plumbing issues, helping with homework, etc. The imperative part of this particular love language is when it is done out of love and not out of obligation, the amount of acknowledgment in this form can be tremendous.

Quality Time: When we learn that someone’s primary language is spending special time together, you are able to connect at a deeper level. By giving your undivided attention and shutting off the digital devices, unplugging from work or cleaning, and getting rid of any distractions – you are showing this person just how much they truly mean to you.

Receiving Gifts: Gifts have always been a symbol, a token of one’s love. When someone has this love language, it is beyond just the gift itself though that matters. It is the time taken to research that special gift, whether the person went out of their way to thoughtfully arrange getting this gift to you can all be key in this language.

I’m going to use myself as an example here to give a clearer picture about this wonderful concept. I found it fascinating when I took the quiz, that receiving gifts was last on my list. Don’t get me wrong, I do love receiving gifts and especially surprises. Surprises, for me, as mentioned above is taking the time to orchestrate the actual surprise. For me with receiving gifts, it has always been the simple things in life. For instance, I would rather have flowers picked for me than to receive a dozen red roses that cost an arm and a leg only to just wilt after a few days. Or if someone took me on a surprise picnic, that would make my heart flutter more than a fancy dinner somewhere.

In the co-parenting relationship, however, being able to receive words of affirmation that are encouraging is important to me. It may not necessarily be about a compliment, so to speak, but being able to communicate compassionately, the tone of voice and feeling heard and understood for both of us is what I value most when discussing important things with my son’s dad. Intriguing that this particular love language rated 2nd highest on the quiz, as well.

So can you see where knowing one’s love language can be essential – especially when building a healthy and mindful co-parenting relationship. This not only models to your children how attentive you are to the co-parent’s feelings but it also shows them how you can be aware of how to get your children’s needs met, as well. Each of us enjoys all of the above but there is always one or two that resonates more than the rest.

So this year for Mother’s Day, perhaps the best gift you can give your co-parent is the gift of distinguishing which of the 5 love languages really makes their heart smile and helps build a friendship and partnership in consciously co-parenting.

The Hues of Rouge ~ By The Word Pimpstress

Admin — Wed, 10 May 2017 20:23:58 +0000

On April 2nd, 2017 – this day was the beginning of my transformation. It was the day the Universe reminded me of what I needed to let go of; of what was no longer serving me so that I can truly embrace what does.

I ended up getting 2nd degree burns on my hand, wrist, butt and upper thigh. And no it wasn’t from fire performing! That I got! Now, man-made fire pits with low embers in the middle of the darkness while not being present – a whole different ballgame! Lol

I felt to share my journey for the past 35 days in hopes it will inspire others on their journey towards their Truth, as well.

My dear friend, Justine Arian, founder of Multi-Passionate Moms, challenged me recently to start making more videos about my business, my purpose, and my passions.

Well one of my passions is spoken word as the Word Pimpstress and performing, bellydancing, fire, and/or some form of burlesque to mix it up a bit. I haven’t done that in awhile and have been craving it so I think that is next on the list again.

Although there’s no sexy performance here (lol), here’s a video with me sharing about a recent post that I shared about my experience with my 2nd degree burns and the beautiful gift it has given me (a beautiful perspective that my dear friend Annette Hammel lives by with our experiences that allow us to expand our awareness). I have always known all of our experiences are an opportunity for growth and to become more present but I just love that she shares it is a gift.

So here is a video of my spoken word piece called “The Hues of Rouge”:

And here’s the written spoken word piece that has been stirring within me the past few weeks that I finally was able to finish. Enjoy!

“The Hues of Rouge” ~ by The Word Pimpstress

“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.”

I can hear Rumi’s
Sacred words
Swelling, dwelling
Its ancient wisdom
Into the atmosphere
Echoing its message;
Pulsating…
Whispering courage in my ear

With each passing day,
The sting – a constant reminder
Of my burial
The memorial of my old skin
Being singed away

As black as charcoal
Blinded by the Dark Knight
I lost myself
Compelled into
The Ember’s Haze

Unveiled to me:
“Into the Light
Is where you’ll find yourself
And it is within the ashes
Where you will blaze…on.”

The hues of rouge
A bleeding gift
That awakens me
into Presence
A Rite of Passage
A fork in the road
A choice now needs to be made

Will I continue down a path that no longer serves me?
Or am I truly ready, willing to walk through the fire
So to speak
To embrace my passion, my purpose?
“For where there is a willingness, there is a way…”

Seared to a crisp
As the cinder brands
its stains into me
The crimsons, the roses
The pinks blushing its pigments
Into my cheek
As I cringe each time I take a seat

Smoldering tingle
Even with the slightest touch
Even the light flutters of air
that brush up against my dairy-aire
can feel like a slap

Charred
Scarred
I will no longer allow

For I am shedding new skin
Baby soft skin
Begins to peak through
the surface

And from the ashes
I rise
Saying farewell to the days of old
So that I can see
With new eyes
Of the many ways I can mold
myself into anew

I see you…
My gift
A rosy thorn in my side
A sweet reminder
Of who I am not
So that I can continue
Being who I truly AM

Surrendering to the healing wounds
I now become the Light.

Chaos is My Super Power!

Admin — Fri, 28 Apr 2017 20:13:04 +0000

This quote has been stuck to my fridge for many, many years. And although I liked it (my midwife, Elizabeth Bachner loved it the first time she saw it), I didn’t quite fully resonate with it until now. See before, I was in a little bit of resistance to it. Just the mere word “chaos” has such a negative connotation to it.

Well the past several months, I have been in the thick of this so-called anarchy. From miscommunications with my friendships to losing a job with a client to getting 2nd degree burns on my hand, wrist, butt, and upper thigh (where I couldn’t take care of myself or my son without assistance from my amazing mom and sister who took care of us for three weeks while I healed from the excruciating pain); to discovering news in what I felt was not particularly the best way to find out (at least in my eyes); to my son vomiting 11 hours straight when we were planning to leave that day because my organization, Family Love Village was facilitating our EAKK! (EcoArt Kidz Kollectiv!) program for a music and arts festival. The list just went on and on.

For most, they might shrink into playing small with the victim role or some might turn their pissosity of blame and rage towards others. Thankfully, I did neither. And instead of playing small, I chose to play BIG! Although it didn’t come without its challenges of choosing to play big, I did it anyways. I chose to surrender to what is and get really present to each lesson, each experience, each gift (as a dear friend calls it) that was presenting itself to me. Yesterday though, I had finally had it and decided to have a little pep talk with the Universe that I posted on social media. It went a little something like this:

“Hey Universe! Just wanted to let you know that I’m good with all the gifts and lessons you’ve been giving me the past couple of months! I have seen each lesson as a gift – not something that has victimized me whatsoever. I know that these gifts continue to empower me to stay in my Mama Warrior Prowess – which continues to bring me closer to my life’s purpose and its mission and ripple effect I would like to impact others with. No doubt about that one!

Interesting enough, someone told me the other day that my super power is chaos! That chaos’ reputation is not truly what people think it to be. For within the chaos – this is where creativity is born; where something is always stirring and where everything flows (rather than always being structured and so orderly, in other words, put inside a box). Interesting to see this in a new magical light: me and my new super power, that is.

I just gotta be frank though with that good ol’ saying, “when it rains, it pours” because I think I have had my fill! I think it’s a good idea to give Chaos some time to recuperate while I try on my other mama warrior powers!

I love you Universe and am grateful for all these moments that bring me into presence but I’m good for now (as I clean up my son’s vomit on the bed while trying to simultaneously put out fires that my organization, Family Love Village is coordinating for a music and art festival that we were planning to leave in a few hours for)! Eakk!This is where I continue to be in deep gratitude to my village; my tribe; my community! The beautiful sisterhood that has helped me through these tough couple of months…”

Suddenly that whole pep talk with Infinite Source, Universe, God, Goddess – whatever you’d like to call her/him/it – it was all starting to fall into place. As my hummingbird energy slowed down and focused solely on the most important person to me (my son and taking care of him through what was possibly food poisoning), a light began to shine within and everything was starting to make so much sense.

From the quote on this magnet to the woman who did a clearing session with me the other day and the seed she planted about chaos being my super power (and that it was a good thing) – I began to realize that creativity does truly birth within the magic of what most would want to run away from; to hide; to push away at the edges of their own Ego. But not I, not any longer.

See I’ve known for awhile now that when we get triggered by someone, it is never really about the other person. It is somewhere within ourselves that is missing a piece; a void where we possibly felt invalidated, rejected, unappreciated, and/or disapproved of as a child growing up that is trickling into our lives presently when it prompts us to react to someone else’s actions and/or words. Notice how I said react vs. respond when we get instigated? Ahh such is the practice to let go of the triggers and to respond from love rather than react from our fears.

One thing I have definitely been getting good at is getting present and listening to the different rhythms of what is now called my new super power. It has taken lots of skill and practice to harmonize with it. And just like this quote says, “It isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass. It’s about learning to dance in the rain.”

It’s kinda like the beauty of jazz: it seems like it can be all over the place yet each instrument, each tempo, each melody has its purpose – just like our experiences (whether a positive one or a negative one). So here’s something to ponder on: the next time your life seems a little bit chaotic and “out of control”, perhaps what is required is to feel the cadence of surrender and to embrace the gift being given to you rather than rejecting it. Because what may seem like the storm could actually be the pitter patter of your creative song coming to life! Who knows? Only one way to find out is to dance with it rather than to try and control it. And so my question to you my friend is, shall we dance?

#tangeelifecoach #connectioncoach #universallessons #thegifttogrow#dancingintherain #embracingthechaos #dancing star

9 Ways to Overcome Growing Pains

Admin — Sun, 13 Apr 2014 20:57:12 +0000

“Self love is accepting yourself, as is.

Reach for the stars…but love yourself right where you are.”

~ Unknown

In the last issue, “5 Ways to Create Space and Feel Clutter-Free”, I shared tips on creating more space for yourself emotionally. This has been the on-going theme for myself for the past month or so. Finding the balance and peace within myself so that the eye in the storm doesn’t get swept into the tornado’s whirlwind cadence has definitely been challenging to say the least. But the more space I make and the more clutter I clear while being able to silence the chatter in my head, the more I am able to listen to the answers bubbling up within.

I remember awhile back when the noise was just too loud to fully listen to my intuition back then. I can recall being swept away in the tornado ten years ago in a situation that seemed like a very similar situation that I am in now. Where I had lost everything: my job, my home, my relationship. Yet this time around, although somewhat familiar, there was something different. I was different. I had grown from that once lost girl who was desperate to find a way to get things back to “normal” or back to the way things were before to me now having a deep sense of knowing that I no longer wanted things to be the same as they were. Back then I spiraled down a dark hole of self-destructive behavior while now I am reclaiming my power and facing my fears head on.

This time around, I am not getting the same sense of me losing everything. As painful and challenging as it may feel a lot of the time, I actually for the first time feel like I am gaining something: ME. I am finally at a place in my life that loving myself comes first. This is the only way that I can model this to my son to love himself is if I embrace it myself, too. And sometimes loving oneself requires letting go of situations that no longer serve the person you are evolving into.
Another thing that I have noticed is that this time around there are no agendas or expectations from anyone or from any particular situation. I just continue to practice being really present. Present to my feelings and allowing myself the space to truly feel the emotions as opposed to numbing them. Present to taking moments like this to ponder through my writing so that I can place my attention on the Truth and see the bigger picture beyond the circumstances, beyond the pain and feel gratitude for everything that I am experiencing; knowing that everything is supporting my growth. I still have those moments where I go into a place of lack and fear as I consistently look for a job while building my businesses at the same time to pay the bills and put food on the table. Yet I keep placing my attention on the present moment and continue to do what I love, as well. Like writing, for instance. This is my first love and has always been a healthy way for me to release. And although the changes feel scary at times, there is something definitely different this time around and it is feels liberating.

It has been told by doctors that when children go through growing pains, the pain is triggered when their bones grow and stretch over the bone’s thick covering. To me, metaphorically, the pain that triggers us adults when going through drastic changes is a gift that allows our inner strength to stretch beyond Ego’s thick covering, as well.

At least for me, it’s an opportunity that allows for choice; to choose whether I am going to become a victim of my circumstances or to rise above them, to trust and to continue following what feels True for me. To make decisions that intuitively feel light and come from a place of love rather than making choices out of need and fear that tend to feel heavy. This too reflects on all aspects of my life: how I choose to parent with my son; whether I respond from a place of love or react from a place of fear. It is all relative to one another and all begins with a choice.

Just like growing pains for a child is considered a rite of passage so too are the moments when we experience change on an emotional and spiritual level. Unlike most rites of passage that are usually celebrated, some transitional periods require a more intimate healing process.

I recently wrote a book for my son about change to set the stage and help with the transitions that were about to occur in our lives. This is a great tool for whenever you are introducing something that might feel foreign and scary for them at first (i.e. going to their first dentist or doctor visit, going to school for the first time, or when a parent goes on their first business trip away from the family, etc). I learned this wonderful tip from Ruth Beaglehole from Echo Parenting and Education.

The book I wrote for my son is called “From Caterpillar to Butterfly: When Things Change” and it talked about the different stages of a caterpillar’s life. Its message shared that just like caterpillars shift their form so too does life for us humans. Towards the end I gave reminders of ways that he can release his frustrations in a healthy way in case any of the changes felt a bit overwhelming and scary.

As important as it is for us to support our little ones through their emotional growing pains, it is also crucial for us parents to find tools and resources to help us through our own, as well. And it all begins with taking the first step towards loving ourselves.
The following are a couple of tools that can support more self-love:

1. Acknowledgement – becoming aware of our emotional pain seems like an apparent thing to do but often the emotional trauma lies beneath the surface; below the energy field that we are sometimes not aware of that has most likely stemmed from our childhood. And then surprisingly, the emotional distress that we are feeling sometimes isn’t even our own!

Do you ever sometimes feel sad or angry for no apparent reason? According to Gary Douglas and Dr. Dain Heer from Access Consciousness, 98% of our thoughts, feelings and emotions aren’t even our own! If this is the case, that is a pretty insane percentage of just how much of other people’s emotions and programming that we carry on our shoulders that take up space. Precious space that could be used to create what we really want to experience in our lives.

The good news is there is a simple and amazing tool from Access Consciousness that you can do and teach your children to do, as well when big feelings arise for either one of you. It is called “Who Does This Belong To?”. This link shares a short video and brief description on how to use the tool that can give you more freedom and joy when you are willing to ask this question.

After you acknowledge the pain, the next step is:

2. Forgiveness – too often we are hard on ourselves and judge our own behavior (of course something that was most likely passed down from our childhood). Sometimes it seems easier to forgive others than to forgive ourselves but in order to model the real value of forgiveness to our children, we must learn to give our inner child empathetic connection, as well.
After forgiveness, it is about making the decision to move forward towards feeling complete joy in our lives.

In order to say “Yes” to ourselves and begin to heal our own wounds, the next several steps are a summarized version from an excerpt from my book, “Taming Your Wild Child: 7 Proven Principles to a Deeper Connection that Fosters Confidence and Compassion While Transforming Behavior, Too!”.

These steps involve:

Actually choosing you – Taking the time to get your needs met
Breathing to get grounded – Allow the brain gibberish to dissipate by focusing on the breath.
Listening to your heart’s true desires of what you love doing – Once you have chosen to start loving yourself and have slowed down the brain chatter through breathing, now it’s time to listen from your heart to feel what drives your passion.
Honing in on a list of things you love doing and writing them down on a piece of paper– You may know what gets you ticking and ignites the passion, but writing it down will be a good reminder for you to start doing more of the items on that list.
Then actually doing what you wrote on that list – What is actually possible when we are actually doing what we truly love doing that enriches who we are being in the world? What if by beingwhat you love to do awakens you to your Truth and fills you up, instead of just filling a void?
Smiling – Whether you’re looking at yourself in front of the mirror or walking past a stranger, smile! Research has shown that smiling doesn’t only affect one’s mood; it can affect one’s health, as well.
Being thankful – Being grateful is such an essential piece to the whole puzzle of manifesting what we love to do. When we give thanks, it is vibrating to the Universe that we are ready to manifest more of what we want to attract in our lives.

So if you are going through some emotional growing pains, and are finding it challenging to move past the stress, the first thing is to forgive and love yourself by taking steps (whether it is the suggested tips here or your own resources) to continue staying in the energy field of unconditional love and connection to and for yourself. Even if it feels like a death of an old life, being re-born into a new one that will continue to be a milestone, is a journey worth embarking on!

Just like the beautiful quote in the beginning of this article states that self-love is acceptance of who you are yet still having the willingness to continue “reaching for the stars” – meaning to always discover ways that intuitively guide you in following what is True for you but still embracing the love for yourself wherever you are at on your journey.

“Needle in a Haystack: Two Solutions to the Problem” ~ By Tangee Veloso

Admin — Thu, 03 Apr 2014 21:10:50 +0000

That was it! It was the last straw! I had come to my wit’s end today! Now, I am normally a patient mama but I think after 3 weeks of being home with my sick son with only a chance to see the outside world 4 times in that duration was all I could handle. Twice for doctor’s visits, once to go grocery shopping and another time when I went to a business event. So I wouldn’t really call any of these exciting adventures, well except maybe those couple of cocktails I inhaled at the business event. But other than that, my son and I had been glued to the hip almost the whole time (minus the times when I would make calls for work where he was glued to my computer screen watching his shows).

Okay yes there were moments where everything was great. I took the time to create homeschooling activities that were fun for both of us. I even opened up an instagram account and started a whole concept called 365 Days of Conscious Parenting with some great tips and natural remedies to help through the cold season. But the days were starting to merge even blur into each other. I think I was actually experiencing for the first time what cabin fever feels like! Now add a fussy four-year-old who isn’t feeling good, sensing negative energy around him and having big feelings every few minutes – it was not a pretty sight!

Yep – I was starting to lose patience my 3rd week into it. Both my son and I could feel it. And he could feel it especially today. Children must have this 6th sense that when they know we are tired, stressed out and annoyed that their feelings become just as intense. I’m sure you can all relate!? And I completely get it. Normally I would be able to empathize with him – knowing that he is sensing my energy and perhaps it is scary for him. And normally I would empathize that he has been sick for the past 3 weeks and that lately the home environment just hasn’t been a fun place to be submerged in.

Yes that would typically be me, using the tools that I wrote about in my book. Using the amazing tool with Staylistening as he thrashes about and releases his big feelings. I guess today I had had it with the big feelings, the kicking and lashing out at me every few moments. Yep – I blew my top. Not just once, twice or three times a lady. To tell you the truth, I actually lost count. Today was definitely an off day for both of us.

Thank goodness my son was feeling better so that we could actually get out of the house and do something! And thank goodness we still have libraries to retreat to to stay out of the cold – where the hi-tech world of iPads, Kindle, Nook and whatever else is out there in the digital realm just can’t compare to the solace of the comforting smell of old books. There’s just nothing like cuddling underneath the blankets and being able to physically turn the pages of a book while reading to your child.

Anyways where was I? Ah yes – the part where I was feeling frustrated. The part where I started feeling awful and guilty for using tactics that I swore I would never use; those oh too familiar tactics that I detested as a child and teenager that was starting to slowly creep back into my subconscious. Was it happening? Was I becoming a broken record and reflection of my parents? Aghhhhhh!!!

Ok that was the wake up call. I had to find my way back to my center. I had to get really present and keep those old recycled patterns at bay before any foreign words like “Go to your room” (which would basically be our room since we co-sleep) or “Time out” could even seep its horrendous words from my lips. Because I knew if that day ever came then there would have to be a serious check-in with myself.

Thankfully I knew what was happening. The problem: I wasn’t getting any of my needs met. And even though I do my damnedest to be as conscious as I can be, I have my days. But the days were beginning to add up with how short my fuse was starting to amplify. I knew if I didn’t find a way to fill up my love cup soon I was gonna blow!

And filling up our love cups are very, very important! Heck that’s why I even started Family Love Village in the first place – was to have a sacred place for us parents to learn, to grow and support one another. Because conscious parenting isn’t always easy. Especially since we are constantly battling to stay clear of the parenting patterns we grew up in as children ourselves.

But wow…none of the tools I was suggesting for my son to calm his energy was working. And when he gets frustrated, boy does he get frustrated! It’s to the point where he is hitting himself. I can’t count how many times after an episode where he had finally calmed down when I would suggest tools, such as counting down from ten to one or taking deep, relaxing breaths with me or to play Sea Monster (a game we play where he chases me and pretends to tie me up and runs away to hide)…none of these were working. I was feeling helpless and seemed like there was no solution to helping him with his frustrations. It was like trying to fine a needle in a haystack – that’s how hard it was to find a solution to help ease his pain.

And then it hit me – like a ton of bricks! How is he going to be able to use the tools to calm himself down if half the time I am not using the tools? Sure there were moments when I would be able to count from ten to one or take deep breaths where he would witness me more calm and responding to him with love but then those others times I wasn’t. So how could I expect him to use these tools when he wasn’t seeing me use them consistently either?

Eureka! I think I found the needle! Actually two needles:

Taking the time to get my needs met, and
Consistently role modeling how to get through my own frustrations with ease so that it can help my son get through his frustrations with ease, too

Which brought me to another realization: as parents we are always telling our children to be patient but if we are not able to model patience to them when they ruffle our feathers whenever they have flooded feelings, then how do we expect them to learn about patience when we haven’t yet learned this valuable tool?

And to go even deeper, could the flooded feelings that our children are feeling that are frustrating us really be a reflection of old past hurts of how our parents treated us that we have yet to heal from?

I’d like to quote a few paragraphs from my book, “Taming Your Wild Child: 7 Proven Principles to a Deeper Connection that Fosters Confidence and Compassion While Transforming Behavior, Too!” that I felt was very relevant to the above question.

“In retrospect, if we are to lead the path for our children, one that imprints a conscious, loving and compassionate livelihood for their upbringing, we must also know what is and isn’t working in order to evolve.

And just as it is important to help children heal their trauma, it is imperative for we adults to heal our past trauma, as well. If you are not able to heal your past hurts, they will continue to trickle onto your children.

Chris Morasky, founder of Ancient Pathways of SoCal (a nature class for home-schoolers), shared his thoughts on trauma and an intriguing point of view about how our children’s ability to push our buttons is a gift. (C. Morasky, personal communication, March 20, 2013):

“Whatever traumas are not dealt with in childhood continue through adulthood, then through old age, and finally to death. Traumas that are not dealt with eventually are physically expressed as illness or injury and via a lower vitality (it is no coincidence that auto-immune diseases are steadily rising, partly due to this). And… you pass your traumas on to your children. The way this happens is fascinating and actually quite beautiful. Your child intuitively senses your traumas and unconsciously finds ways to engage your issues (we call this “pushing your buttons”). Nobody can push your buttons like your own child, right? THIS IS A GIFT. Remember, you can only let go of your limitations when your “stuff” is “up”. Children are born to raise up their parents, not the other way around.”

And then this reminded me of another quote that I wrote from my book:

“Parenting through connection may seem like it takes longer; but, when you look at the overall picture, it takes just as much time to connect with your child and find strategies that elevate towards empathy, trust and loving cooperation, as it would if you were to try and find ways to repair the damage that tend to usually follow the use of bribes, coercion and punishments.”

In the end, we have a choice. There is always a choice. It is just a matter of whether we choose to respond from a place of love or to react from a place of fear.